Do I have a good start on my poem.?

Your ear is correct...it has potential, but it needs editing. When choosing words, make sure they maintain consistency of voice. For example, "betwixt" is a good word, as is "abide", but they seem out of place next to "Saccharine". Next, be careful of using sophisticated words just because they sound sophisticated..."epicurean lips" is a bit over-done. Also, "each lone touch" is redundant...it's like saying, "little small"...if it is a "lone" touch, there is only one, so "each" doesn't work. "Fluxed cryptograms"...contrived, blurry image, fix it. "aquatic eyes"...does she have "fish eyes", or are they blue? I do like "bleed diminutive sins", but the "monochrome erflies" is a little flat. "cascade gales of whispers..." doesn't work...you can't cascade a "gale"...and neither word works with "whispers". So, you have some good word choices, but they don't all fit together, and you have a few good images...other than that, you need to step back and see where you want to go, what image you want to create, and find a straighter line between the dots...and keep writing.